I was one of those decent, obedient, nice kids when I was young.. I always used to be very careful with things I say when I talk so as to not hurt people.. I never hated anything more than hurting others.. I was like that until I completed my bachelor's and sometime after I started working..
After I started working, I fell in love with this girl.. For reasons, I couldn't tell her how I feel about her and eventually I came to know even she always liked me.. But couldn't tell me for similar reasons.. It took us two years to get into a relationship, and it just happened effortlessly coz it was meant to happen anyways I guess.. Eventually we had to break-up, for reasons.. During this entire process, I went through a lot of pain.. I was sad for the first time in my life after meeting this girl and totally not because of the girl.. Also I have slowly changed as I went through all that..
I can't explain how, but I became tougher, and more arrogant.. Somehow I became more self-centered, less modest and stopped caring too much about stuff.. Initially it was all cool.. and I liked it.. everybody used to like it.. But slowly things started going out of control.. I started caring lesser every passing day.. I am at a point today, where I don't give a shit about anything or anybody.. I say things that come to my mind.. I care two hoots to what others think about me.. And I am not liking it.. Its not cool anymore.. I am losing good friends.. I am not able to make new friends.. I lost interest in everything, absolutely everything.. Because I really don't care about anything.. I am losing interest in life.. This has nothing to do with that girl.. I have thoroughly moved on.. Its not about her anymore.. Its the attitude that got into my blood now.. Its scary.. Probably, I still care about myself.. That's why I am still thinking through all of this.. I am in that position where I should do something before its too late.. before I lose interest in my well-being too..
You don't worry about me.. I can take care of myself.. But if you think you have that "don't give a shit" attitude, here is my advice.. Keep it under check.. Never stop caring completely.. Its caring for others that make your life worth living.. This knowledge only became a theory for me.. You should make sure you don't become that..
I can't explain how, but I became tougher, and more arrogant.. Somehow I became more self-centered, less modest and stopped caring too much about stuff.. Initially it was all cool.. and I liked it.. everybody used to like it.. But slowly things started going out of control.. I started caring lesser every passing day.. I am at a point today, where I don't give a shit about anything or anybody.. I say things that come to my mind.. I care two hoots to what others think about me.. And I am not liking it.. Its not cool anymore.. I am losing good friends.. I am not able to make new friends.. I lost interest in everything, absolutely everything.. Because I really don't care about anything.. I am losing interest in life.. This has nothing to do with that girl.. I have thoroughly moved on.. Its not about her anymore.. Its the attitude that got into my blood now.. Its scary.. Probably, I still care about myself.. That's why I am still thinking through all of this.. I am in that position where I should do something before its too late.. before I lose interest in my well-being too..
You don't worry about me.. I can take care of myself.. But if you think you have that "don't give a shit" attitude, here is my advice.. Keep it under check.. Never stop caring completely.. Its caring for others that make your life worth living.. This knowledge only became a theory for me.. You should make sure you don't become that..
No comments:
Post a Comment